


A little more stupid, a little more scared

by Maharetchan



Series: Don't Think Twice, It's All Right [1]
Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Fantasizing, M/M, Pre-Slash, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 08:10:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maharetchan/pseuds/Maharetchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's something about Nick that drives Monroe absolutely crazy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A little more stupid, a little more scared

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Title comes from The National "Slow Show".  
> 2\. I don't really know where I was going with this. Just something I fekt like putting down, I suppose.  
> 3\. The song quoted at the beginning is "Feuerkind" (Firechild) by the German metal band Subway to Sally.  
> 4\. My first language is not English and I don't have an English beta reader. So please excuse the grammar mistakes that you'll probably find.  
> 5\. I love comments!

Inside the room of my childhood,  
There was a cold wind blowing.  
And despite the heat of the furnace,  
Ice would cling to the walls.

There's something about Nick that drives Monroe absolutely crazy.  
Maybe it's the way he manages to always fit in every situation, in every possible scene: he's never out of place, he just seems to blend in so well that no one ever notices how really different he is from everybody else, what he really hides inside.  
That never worked for Monroe: he always felt like a fish out of water, even within his own family, because even in his darkest times, he always had a conscience and was able to tell that what he was doing was wrong, while everybody else around him just brushed it off and kept giving into their most basic instincts.  
That's why he ran away, why he had to leave everything behind and start a new life from scratches, because the pressure, the guilt, the painful weight of all the things he had done just threatened to crush him.  
For him, every single day is like walking on thin ice while wearing a full body armor made of regrets, of bloody memories that will never, ever go away, not matter how much time will pass, that will haunt him for the rest of his life, screaming in the most hidden corner of his mind, always ready to jump at him as soon as he lowers his defenses.  
But Nick can find out he's a Grimm, start killing people, meet the most incredible creatures and still look like the perfect boy next door who has no secrets at all.  
It's amazing, it's infuriating because Monroe struggles so much, tries so hard, fights for his sanity and his life everyday and in the end he just ends up tired and crushed by the weight of what he is, of the beast within himself.  
Nick is dangerous to him: not because he's Grimm or maybe not just because of that: but because he doesn't know how hard he pushes his buttons, how close he is to make him snap; he comes too close, touches too much, smiles in ways that just seems to be some sort of trigger for him and seems to unleash past, confused memories of wildness, of basic desires finally fulfilled in the most brutal ways.  
Because sometimes Monroe just wants to do things to him, things he cannot admit even to himself, that tries not to think about, but that are always in front of his eyes every time he closes them when Nick is also in the room: it's his scent, the sound of his voice, his simple presence in his life.  
Sometimes Monroe stares at him while Nick is sleeping on his couch, on the nights when he just cannot bear to go home to Juliette: even in the darkness, he can see him perfectly.  
He knows this is wrong, but the knot in his stomach is too much and he just can't help it: Nick is far too tired most of the nights and just passes out, sleeping so soundly there's no reason to be afraid of waking him up.  
He looks so young, almost smaller than normal with his whole body buried under the covers and just his head popping out of his cocoon of blankets: Monroe wants to touch him, to run an hand on his cheek, just to feel his skin under his fingers, just to know what it'll feel like to have that body under his own.  
But he doesn't, of course, he takes deep breaths as quietly as he can and stares, just that, nothing more.  
Stares and imagines things, like taking his clothes off slowly, revealing the skin one bit at a time; or maybe about ripping them off his body, tearing them apart to have him naked and ready as soon as he can.  
It depends on the day, really.  
Sometimes he just wants to kiss him, to hug him to hold him close and make that sad, crushed and wrecked look in his eyes go away; but then he thinks about how bad he wants to fuck him into the mattress, until Nick will be a sobbing, moaning, trashing mess under his hands, under the weight of his body that will keep him pinned down on the bed, completely exposed to him.  
The thoughts are so intense they almost make him want to scream out loud, letting out the wolf inside him, that seems to be pushing against his skin to come out, threatening to rip his body to pieces to come out.  
He gets up, taking his eyes off Nick and goes to the bathroom, where he takes a long, cold shower: then, when he feels calm and in control again, he goes back to his room.  
He should push him away, create a distance between them that will keep both of them safe, but he can't: a masochistic part of his mind seems to push him towards Nick instead and it's harder and harder to keep all those feelings closed inside himself.  
Monroe thinks about talking about it with Rosalee, but the words always fail him and in the end he never does, even though the lump in his throat starts to become more and more painful and hard to swallow everyday.  
And sometimes, Nick looks at him like he knows, like he can read inside his mind and find all his dark and shameful secrets: there's a light in those eyes, that seems to haunt him, because he stars to see them everywhere, following him.  
A soft light that matches the consuming fire he feels inside every time their eyes meet, that seems to say “I feel the same, just come, just touch me”: it gives him a thrill of hope that seems to fuel his desperate need even more and doing more harm than good to both of them.  
It passes as quickly as it comes, but the memory of that light sticks with him, attaches itself on his skin, leaves a mark that takes days and days to fade, like a bruise that pulses and hurts.  
Monroe keeps watching in silence, hidden in the shadows of his guilt, waits for it to pass.  
Hoping that the day when this feeling will never pass and ends up consuming both of them never comes.


End file.
